Tech and Love OR Love Tech

The interesting thing about being single (again 😩) and into tech is that you get to explore that very intimate overlap of culture and technology: dating apps. Not only the UX/UI side of things but the existing contemporary culture of intimacy and its trends.

For example, in Buenos Aires, where I’m currently physically and digitally geolocated, the vast majority of women declare to be bisexual and non-monogamous. This was definitely a novelty for me, I did not expect this.

For context, I’m a straight, cis-gendered heterosexual male, aka plain vanilla, and at fault for not knowing precisely how to label myself in today’s excessively self-categorized argot. (Note: this is not a slander but a disclaimer of my potentially flawed and incomplete knowledge on the matter).

I’ve also noticed that many women put their Instagram handles on their profiles. I genuinely don’t know if this is to facilitate the conversation in case of a match or to bypass the dating app completely and redirect you to the place where they actually spend time and exist.

Of course, I don’t inquire into this and instead use it to my favor: I just request their friendship on Instagram and hope for the best that I’m not regarded as a creep.

Something that has come as a very positive outcome of starting to use these apps (again 😩) is that I could not believe the number of women on them—especially the number of beautiful women! True, I don’t have a type (luckily!), so variability works very much in my favor. But still, Beauty is something that occurs and transpires, and I’m amazed at how much it does.

Perhaps it’s a Buenos Aires thing. Argentinian women are particularly beautiful and are so in a myriad of different ways. In contrast, I geolocated to Madrid for a little while (I’m moving there soon) and didn’t see as many interesting women. However, I did use a different app and have no idea what the most used app is in Madrid.

In any case, this seemingly infinite number of (beautiful) women apparently available to date in Buenos Aires drove home for me an idea that I have never once experienced: abundance. I truly felt, for the first time in my long dating life, that the dating pool is, in fact, truly abundant. I felt that abundance for the first time in my life.

Mind you, this has nothing to do with my looks: I am of hegemonic attractiveness, potentially above average, not at all objectively anything, let alone stunning. It especially doesn’t have to do with my looks because I’m merely commenting on the number of available beautiful women. I’ve always approached dating and love from a profound place of scarcity: if things go badly with ‘her’, then I’ll be alone forever. If this doesn’t work out, it’ll never work out. And so on…

But the very first time I felt a sense of abundance in this area was when swiping left and right on OkCupid: I simply could not believe the number of women I would happily swipe right on, the number of fantasies (romantic, not sexual) my mind would trigger at the mere sight of some of the most casual pictures shot in kitchens, bathroom selfies, and cats (oh so many cats!).

Say what you want about dating apps: this felt empowering like few things in my extensive love life.

This being said, going back to my ‘technique’, I swiped right so many times and requested so many Instagram follows that I started to get paranoid thinking there might be a secret female Buenos Aires network where women (all of them) would all get together and go over any suspicious and excessive befriending activity coming from specific user accounts. My username and picture would appear on a screen for all to see and an audible gasp would entail followed by the vociferous chitchat of hundreds of women commenting to their next-seat neighbor: I know that guy, he also sent me a request!

I would thus be banned from any possible encounter with any possible female in the city. Forever ostracized and muted without the world ever knowing that I was authentically looking for love but armed with all the incorrect tools and methods, a person who technology (and love) left behind along the hurtful path of time, tech, and affect moving forward onto newer and better things.

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